Hard does not equal bad

Today I looked in a mirror. I had the privilege of chatting with someone who is just starting the PhD journey. It was looking through a time warp at myself a year ago.

Fear. Worry. "I'm not clever enough." Panic. Overwhelmed. Lost. These emotions flash through us postdoc's like lightening across a stormy sky. The priority questions were:

1. Am I doing ok?

2. How do I know what I'm supposed to be doing?

3. Does it get better?

Watching these emotion in someone else, took me back to where I was a year ago. I felt the exact same if not more so. The hope in our eyes when we ask someone who is a bit further ahead of us to guide us. We all start excited about our PhD and then a month in we are petrified, lost, and worried. I found that there was such a large focus on how hard a PhD was was , how there would be so many dark days ahead, and that characteristics of perseverance and resilience would be needed made me question is this right for me? But then I'd go home in the office space I created and I'd breathe. And I found that I was happy. Yes, I had no clue what I was doing. Yes, I was lost. Yes, I had no idea if I was on the right track. But I was happy in what I was doing.

The months passed and I learned that yes doing a PhD is hard but surely isn't that the point? I had chosen great supervisors. They were supportive of me and slowly I learned to trust that if they said I was on track then I was. Regardless of what the others in my cohort were doing. I had mentors who I could reach out to for support who listened to me when I was frustrated and who let me know that I wasn't alone, even when I was.

The biggest lesson I've learn is that yes a PhD is hard, but that isn't a bad thing. It is hard because we are creating new knowledge, which is no easy feat. Feeling lost is unnerving, but when there is no answer to a question the only way to find the answer is to explore which sometimes means we get lost, but that isn't a bad thing either. It means that you are on the front line pushing forward to learn more and help more than others have done so far, how exciting is that.

Does it get better? Yes and No: Yes, you learn your specialist area a bit better and you slowly develop you question and your project so that it is more robust. No, it gets worse as the more you know the more you realize you don't know while simultaneously more is expected of you. My advice, find and create a happy place, where you can think and plan. Stick to your plan, focus on bite size chunks and just keep at it. If you are doing a project you are passionate about and have good support around you then a PhD can be a great experience. I know I'm only a year in and I know I have some major challenges ahead but I know that this is also the best professional decision that I have ever made.

For another positive spin on doing a PhD check out EveryDay Scientist and Helen Kara