Fear of Failure

This year has been challenging as I write my protocol and prepare to role out my research study. At times the fear of failure threatened to engulf me. The amount of work I need to do seems to grow exponentially. I began to live in a state of worry about how I would get it all done and that lead to a negative fear state.

Then a few things happened that have changed my view. I'm learning to jump in and out of a fear bubble, using my persistence to fuel my success.

With my other half I attended "An Evening with Ant Middleton". The first half of his talk was really inspiring. He talked about a "fear bubble". He comes from a context I'll never fully understand, as a SAS soldier in conflict operations. But I found his idea really rang true for me and this PhD as a CDRF experience. He said that if you allow yourself to constantly live in a fear bubble than the fear can overwhelm you.

Instead if you chose to only step into the fear bubble when you need to (e.g. a deadline, a presentation, a viva) then you can use the heightened awareness state to your advantage. But do not live in that bubble. The resultant feeling of success of making it through the fear bubble will energize and make you more prepared for the next fear bubble. I really relate to this, as a PhD is so all consuming. It would be very easy to allow the fear of failure or the imposter syndrome fear to rule your life. That fear would breed inaction, which could lead to failure. If instead you use your fear only when required, the extra adrenaline can be channeled into successful outcomes. So in addition to setting little goals, I now break every challenge into small fear bubbles. I am finding that instead of sitting and worrying about how I'll never get it all done, I focus on the task I need to do, jump into that bubble, deal with it and then fueled by that success jump back out and look for the next bubble.

Second, Fear of Failure is not unique to me. There are plenty of others who have gone before me who ended up being success who also thought about these things. I watched the movie "The Dark Hour" and I found it interesting to see a portrayal of his struggle with leading and the definition of success during such a pivotal world event. Two of his quotes around success and failure I found really helpful:

I find these really powerful and really applicable to the PhD journey. Resilience and the ability to keep going is what makes you successful. Combining this with the idea of a fear bubble has been a powerful motivator for me.